Don’t Want to Get Divorced? Here’s How to Cope When Your Spouse Files It

Don’t Want to Get Divorced? Here’s How to Cope When Your Spouse Files It

It’s said that the only sure things in life are death and taxes, so that means your marriage may still go stale, even if you don’t think you could be any more in love.

True enough, this is the reality for some married couples. One party is adamant on having a divorce, while the other is shocked, indignant, and most of all, hurt. But even if the divorce is painfully one-sided, it has to be done, because there’s no more reason to stay in the marriage that’s no longer a two-way street.

If you’re the spouse who doesn’t want to get divorced but you find yourself having no other choice, the road ahead will be rough. But with a good support system, things will fall into place and you’ll get back on your feet again.

What Leads to Divorce

So if you’re still in love with your spouse and you’re certain that you’re showing it, what has gone so terribly wrong that they decided to divorce you?

If it’s not infidelity nor abuse, the root cause could’ve started even before you got married. Do you respect and love your spouse unconditionally? It’s easy to say that you do, but they may think otherwise, especially when you’re in an argument.

While it’s impossible to see eye to eye with your spouse all the time, consider how you take their differing opinions. If you hear them out, but mix your words with insults and hostile gestures, then that’s not being genuinely respectful.

Money issues are another common reason for divorce. If you don’t plan out your budget systematically, and your financial habits differ drastically, then fights will no doubt arise, potentially resulting in a stressful dispute in court during the divorce.

Fights and money may be two things that can be fixed, but when grudges are already too deep, no amount of love and apology may still patch things up. Reconciling may be possible, but not living together anymore.

How to Cope

coping with divorce

Choose a compassionate and experienced divorce attorney, and let them handle most of the difficult work for you. But before approaching them, find it in your will to push the divorce through, because the process will only be smooth if you’re fully consenting to the divorce.

But if you’re still reluctant on accepting it, consider other options such as legal separation, or saving the marriage. Ponder why you want to stay married and what exactly are you holding on to. After sorting out your thoughts and emotions, you may gain a stronger mindset and realize that you and your spouse are truly better off divorced.

Allow yourself to grieve, even if you’ve already agreed to the divorce. Acknowledge that some marriages just don’t last, and it doesn’t mean that something’s wrong with you. Build up your self-esteem, and focus on yourself; rediscover who you were before getting married, and consider restoring that identity. It may involve engaging in old hobbies, doing activities you’ve stopped doing after getting married, and etc.

Most importantly, seek a strong support system. Having loved ones there for you is especially crucial if you have kids, who will definitely be impacted by your divorce. Since you can’t be strong for them all the time, you need your loved one’s reassurance that it’s okay to fall apart, as long as you’ll stand back up again and be stronger.

Don’t hesitate to receive professional counseling as well. It will make your healing progress healthier. A counselor’s guidance, in addition to your attorney’s and loved one’s, will make your journey to healing an overall positive experience.

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